Goodbye America... I'll be back...

I wrote this for my party leaving Colorado...

Afghanistan Afghan Stand; or the selfish poem

I told everybody that I was going to Houston to try to get a job in Iraq.
The most common response I received was “You must be smoking crack!”

My friends all warned me “when in Iraq, You better hang on to your head”
Turns out I am going someplace much less dangerous, Afghanistan instead.

I am going to Afghanistan to help feed the troops sent by the conservative right.
I feel a little guilty making more than twice as much as those who have to fight.

I am signing a one year contract, I will be back before you notice I’ve gone.
If I’m not here within a year, wish me luck getting my dog back from Dawn.

I can expect to find sand, dust, rats, cobras, scorpions, camel spiders, and 150 deg in the shade.
I am also excited about sand storms, no showers, random gun fire, land mines, and rocket propelled grenade.

Some people say I must have a death wish to purposely go live in the Afghan nation.
Those who know I live with Dawn Martin realize I am improving my living situation.

For all the single ladies out there, I offer you one last night of loving bliss.
I’ll do my best but truth be told, I’m far too drunk to stand up strait and piss.

For those who couldn’t make it; on this my special day.
Go to hell, fuck off, who needs you, I never liked you assholes anyway.

I should stop rambling on and on, I promised not to pretend to cry.
There are so many people I wanted to thank, now I’m too drunk to even try.

I must say that leaving Colorado will surely make me sad,
These last few years spent here with you guys are the best I’ve ever had.